Christianity or what?

As I get older I find the subject of religion invading more and more time than it did it the past.Perhaps the certainty of death looking for a reprieve from the eternity of nothing is the reason for the present uncertainty?. If the end is just that, nothing, than there is nothing.The certainty of death as the end is ‘interfering’ with my inducting into religion at an early age. Religion (I was baptized a Christian and has since lapsed )the promise of life everlasting is a constant temptation.I would consider myself as a ‘born again’ student of life and this quest has brought me a degree at university in Maynooth Ireland.

This privilege of third level education has exposed me to study the related subjects on the area,mentioned above ,namely doubt.I mentioned above that the inevitable act of death has prompted my interest ,well education has set a fire under it.I choose the subject of philosophy and anthropology for my degree and in so became familiar with some of the most respected writers on the subject in history. My thinking moved from local provincial social constricted mind set ,to a wider mental landscape. I am mentioning this in order to inform the reader that I am genuine in my personal examination,not only genuine but also well(comparatively) informed.

Privileged I may be ,but I still cannot find a strong foundation on which to build in my quest for truth.
Questions such as where did the universe come from ,and where did I come from,these and all the unanswered questions I am trying to settle. Science has a n plausible explanation as to the causes of how the universe begun.People such as Prof. Brian Cox presents a very enlightens theses ,it is the cutting edge of Science and in fact the truth.I have no problem with science and the existence of God.The vast body of knowledge available to all is a miracle in the human capacity endeavor. This ,for me ,is not addressing the question who was the first mover. Prof.Cox claims that the universes are on a collision coarse and when this happens there is nothing ,well I want to know what is nothing .

In science, as in the day to day life, everything has a beginning middle and end . This is accepted as fact ,well this taken as a fact what is the answer to what or who are the first cause.How can nothing make something ,it is a contradiction.This is the old chestnut “something from nothing ” it is also the first problem in the Old Testament ‘Genesis’. Well I studied christian theology and found it very informing and enjoying ,trouble was I could not get my head over the most important hurdle ,that is the mental block between faith and logic.This initial stage I found too far, I could not make the jump in faith to believe in what i cannot get my head into a place which states that ,I am not expected to understand something without an reasonable explanation.
My small hope (or faith) is that I have no problem understanding that everything that is came from somewhere and that has a beginning and as did the world.What or Who is the beginner.This small piece of hope is trying to bring me to my faith of childhood and there are days when I am tempted.